It’s been a while since I’ve written anything here, I know. But I’m trying to be better about it. So, here we are.
As you all probably know by now, the situation for sex workers’ rights in Spain is becoming more precarious as we speak. There’s a lot of misconceptions about what it is that we do, and why do we do it. So I thought I’d take the chance and speak about something that has been in my thoughts for a while now.
In the day and age that we live in, independent Sex Workers do much more than fuck. We have to mantain an image, we have to spend time, money and other resources in creating a brand, promoting it through social media and other advertising spaces, and sometimes we even create complimentary contents – such as pay-per-view online sessions, videos, and even newsletters. We’re a bunch of really creative people, and it will never cease to amaze me how capable of innovation we are. However, these are not small tasks: choose what to post (and what not to post), what kind of pictures to shoot, make everything compliant to your own branding.
And then, after so much work, and headaches, there are still people who will reach out to us looking for something completely different. We all curate our brands in a different way, and we all focus on our marketing from different standpoints and perspectives, but ultimately these all seem to serve the same purpose: to reach out to an audience of ideal clients.
And still, not-so-ideal clients keep reaching out. Now, by less-than-ideal I do not mean “dangerous” clients, I just mean clients that are looking for things that we do not offer, or things that are even the exact opposite of what we do offer. They are not evil and terrible, per se. They are terribly misinformed and they do tend to make us lose our time – which is not a good thing, obviously. I’ve had people come and ask me if I do greek (something that I clearly state I do not do) so many times.
Even more surprisingly, I’ve had people come and ask me to play sub. For anyone who has ever fucked with me I think it is pretty obvious that I’m a terrible sub – mainly, because I am not. When I enjoy myself the most is when I am on top, in control – and you get extra points if I you get off on me slapping your face while I ride you. I’ve tried and curate my whole aesthethic around the fact that I conceive myself as a succubus of sorts, a wicked witch who will break you down and build you up. So it baffles me that people still reach out to me looking for a sub or a bottom. Even if I wanted to do this, I could not. I wouldn’t do a good job. I would feel uncomfortable, and it would show. I wouldn’t be able to enjoy myself as much, and my job wouldn’t make me as happy.
So I’ve been wondering why and how it is that this happens. Because if it were only me, I would think that it is my fault, that my marketing is not being adequate, that there is something wrong in my branding strategy. But it is not: it happens to my friends as well. Lilu gets asked often if she can do sessions as a domme. Friends who do not do certain services get often asked if they can do them. And I honestly think that this is because we live in a culture where Sex Workers are presented as flesh ready for consumption, as people so desperate we will do anything for the right amount of money. And thus, finding out that we have boundaries is such a shock that people need to try and bend (or break) them. This is akin to a phenomenon that I’ve often found in my “civvie” life: men looking for a strong woman just to break her and become “the one” they “submit” to. This is of course deeply rooted in a shit ton of romantic myths that I do not care to cite right now, but ultimately it all boils down to the fear of Medusa. More on that on some other entry, because this is about sex work, and, as promised in the title, the way we fuck.
It is my belief that when you, as a baby (or not) sex worker start defining your brand, you must base it in your own sexuality. In the case of us who do fuck in our appointments, I think it is really important to base it in the way we fuck. Escorting is not all about fucking, but at least for me, it is a huge chunk of my deal. We are not created equal, and we do not all fuck the same. We all have our kinks (ha) and quirks, we all have our preferred ways of getting around to it. In my case, my sexuality is raw, incredibly aggresive and in the end, is about ravishing whomever I’m laying with. And if I were to market anything but that, I’d be in trouble with myself. If you’re soft and caressing, market that. If you’re dirty and lewd, market that. Own your fucking, and make the best deal out of it.
So if I’m marketing what I am, how come I still get people asking me to be their bottom? I’ve come to think that this is because as a society, we tend to polarize everything. If a girl loves to fuck, she must be a lewd slutty sub who’ll do anything for dick. If a girl is dominant and a top, she’s cold and disconnected. And since what I tend to market first and foremost is the acknowledged truth that I, Salem, really love to fuck, it is really difficult for some people to understand the rest of my brand, let alone the complexities of my sexuality (even if I think mine is pretty straight-forward). Or at least that is the only explanation that I’ve found. On the other hand, is precisely this branding process that has brought me the most exciting, mind-blowing, knee-trembling shags of my life. So I must be doing something right, despite the occasional fucktard who didn’t read my site.
All in all, my advice for sex worker is this: do not sell your whole person, but do market yourself. And, my dearest clients, take the time to read, take the time to investigate. Find your match, and your encounter will be immensely enjoyable… and you will make us happier hookers.