Reflections

How being a feminist led me to Sex Work

How being a feminist led me to Sex Work

This is a controversial issue. I do not hide that I am a feminist, even though some of my potential (and actual) clients do not share these values with me. So, let’s get a few things out of the way. I’ve been in the movement since I was 18 or so, when an incredible teacher of mine showed me the ropes. I identify as an intersectional feminist, because I believe there are several oppressions at play in our society.

Now that this has been made clear, let’s continue with the even more controversial affirmation that leads this post: the fact that being a feminist led me to become a Sex Worker. And this is something I think my SWERF “colleagues” will not appreciate. I don’t really care: this is my space and it is here that I chose to write my truth. So, how did this happen?

Well, if you understand feminist and economic theories the way I do, is actually pretty simple. After a few years of very unsatisfactory relationships with men (on an emotional, as well as sexual, level) and suffering catcalling, abuse and discrimination for being a woman with a really high sex drive, I was already pretty tired. But I was also sure that there had to be other way to live my sexuality, one in which I wouldn’t have to give free emotional and sexual labor to men, one in which I could take something out of being attractive, instead of “paying” for it. Let me explain: I’ve always had a huge problem with catcalling (fun fact, I was only able to have my hair died blonde for a couple days because I couldn’t handle the immediate escalation on catcalling I suffered). I’ve always had several problems with my sexual drive. My male partners couldn’t keep up with it, and would often chastise me for it. They also couldn’t handle my polyamoury. On top of that, I was looked down on by groups of colleagues and often deemed the “slut” of the group, with the obvious consequences.

So I started thinking. What if I were to charge for this? That would allow me to set the conditions in which it was going to happen, and thus, I would be the active instigator: my sexuality no longer at the service of the patriarchy, but at my own. The cherry on top? It could allow me to make a living doing a few of the things I already knew I did best. And so, I decided to become a stripper.

And boy, did that blow my mind. All of sudden, I was in a different city, making new friends, getting naked for money, masturbating for money, making out with girls for money. I was living the dream – my dream, at least. None of the other strippers chastised me for being sexually active. There were no more jokes about how I would “fuck anything that moves”, no more nasty looks on my dresses and lingerie. I found a community that supported me for what I was: a glorious whore.

I would eventually move on to become an escort, and this allows me to create the most adventurous seductive affairs with and for my clients. And they don’t call afterwards to know where I am going, or with whom. They don’t expect me to spend my free time taking care of them. They don’t expect me to sleep only with them. They don’t chastise me for being sexually aggresive. They don’t have a problem with me being on top most of the time. Au contraire! They come to me because of this. It’s awfully ironic, but being an escort is the time where I’ve found I can fuck in a way that’s probably the most truthful to myself. And my time, my emotional labor, my physical, sexual, erotic labors are compensated. Compensated and appreciated for the value they have.

So, yes. Feminism led me to becoming a professional whore. My feminist analysis on the sexual and emotional labors that women and non-binary people perform led me to charge for them. I am charging the patriarchy for my looks, my sexuality, my forms of expression. And that’s hella revolutionary for me.

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